Something Personal...

Hey loves :)

So I know most who come to check out this site are pretty used to me posting about hair, make up and fashion...plus random mom related things. However, this post is something deeper that what I have done before. This is directly related to me, very personal!

I am adopted, this is apart of who I am that makes me so unique. My sister and I were adopted early on, I think I was about 5, and my sister must have been around 4 (we are 15 months apart).

Growing up, my sister and I never really knew that we were adopted. My parents (my adoptive parents) were black (father) and white (mother). Where I grew up in Fairfax, VA it was very diverse, the elementary school that I went to was so mixed, that the race issue between my parents never even crossed my mind! Plus, do kids really see in black and white when you're that little? I sure didnt! I was just happy to be playing with barbie dolls, lol.

So growing up wasn't bad at all. My parents were my parents and that was that. No questions asked. Hoever, prior to finally being adoptedmy our parents, my sister and I were bounced from house to house. I remember this so well. I remember one time, being taken away to this young white woman and her husband. I remember thier house being like a mansion. They were nice, but I only remember staying with them for like a couple of days then we were shipped right back to the foster home that we lives in (my sister and I). I was kind of used to being shuffeled around from place to place, home to home, family to family when I was younger. That's how I know something was kind of different back then.

My father once told me, that I asked him "If we were going to stay here, or leave"? So back then, even at the age that I was...I knew something was different.

Growing up, the fact that I was adopted didn't really hit me until I was in high school, maybe a year or two before then. I had thoughts of "I wonder what my real mom and dad look like", OR "I wonder if I have other siblings other than the one that I know". Questions like those began developing early on. Probably more like pre-teen. You know, when you begin to develop social identity. That was the hardest thing for me, I think. Not knowing who I am and when people would ask me what mix that I am, I would just say black and white, which I knew that much about myself...but it was deeper than that. I began lashing out in middle school...I really wanted to fit in and be like everyone else. I think I was like that because I wanted to feel like I belonged to something or someone, because for so long I was convinced that I wasn't me...as weird as it sounds, I truly didn't want to be me or be the weird adopted girl!

Anyways,I got older and I kind of grew into myself. I let the whole adoption thing go for then, because I was more focused on friends and boyfriends back then anyways. It wasn't until one day my sister and I got a important phone call from my mother who told us to come home quickly...I was thinking what could have happened? When we both arrived back home, both my mother and father were sitting at our dining room table holding a envelope and a letter...I kind of had a clue to what it could have been, but never thought it was what it ended up being...it was a hand written letter from our biological mother "Nicole" to my sister and I. My parents were very cool, they asked us how we wanted to approach this situation, if we wanted to write a paragraph or two back to her with a picture. So both my sister and I tped/hand wrote a paragraph and attached a letter. My mom mailed it off. That was that...

I graduated high school in 2003 and entered a university, to study HDFS. I ended up getting pregnant with my now 6 year old son :) This is what truly started my search to find clues about my past. Kind of a blessing in disguise, I guess. I found out so much from my on going to phone calls. Most people were happy to hear from me, which was warming. I ended up finding all my aunts and uncles, cousins, grand mother, and great-grand mother. As well as reconnecting with my biological mother. Although she has greater issues that I can't really talk with her with out getting angry or annoyed.

All this research, I have found out that my sister and I have 3 more sisters, younger than us. They all must be between the ages of 17-24. Fantasia, Lauren, and Malerie. I am on a mission now to find them. I also found my sister's father who sadly passed awa in 2001. I am trying to connect with her deceased father's sisters and brother...I have names for them all, but no addresses.

I do not know who my father is as of yet, but there is a man who claims to be my father..I have been holding off on doing the DNA test that he sent me months ago, I don't know...I would love to know, but something is scary as to finding out if he is or not...apart of me would like him to be, but then apart of me is kind of scared.

Being adopted is apart of me, but it does not define me. Yes, I am adopted and no I am not the weird person that I used to think I was because of this. Sometimes life gets the best of people and people make mistakes. I am so happy that there is a God up there, because I know that he looked out for my sister and I. I know that if I would have not been adopted my life would be unknown...I truly mean this too. I am grateful every day for Nicold giving birth to my sister and I. I have 2 beautiful kids and a beautiful nephew. Nicole is not my mother, she gave me life. I hold a special place in my heart for her...but I do not hold grudges. CPS taking us in changed my life forever. I was placed in the most warming and loving home that I could ever ask for.

So for those who are reading this, you might have learned something new about me, or those who know me...are getting more personal details. Being adopted and the feelings that come are not easy to deal with. But in most cases, being put up for adoption or CPS stepping in could be th eMOST important thing that has happened in your life. Sure, as you get older who have questions about idenity and struggle with that, as I did. But after becoming pregnant with my son almost 7 years ago, I let it stop defining me. I am adopted, so what!?! I remember I used to hide that fact from people, because most could never understand my situation or what it meant to be adopted.

I will continue to search for our other sisters, as well as my biological father, and my sister's biological fathers side of the family. Once I find out, this will be like closure...

Its just weird to me how somewhere out there, maybe we crossed paths at some point and didn't even know that we were sisters! I am blessed...and all I know is that God is good. Amen :)